deviant art

Deviant Login Shop
 Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
[x]
more ▶

More from *lantern-rose

Featured in Groups:

Details

August 27, 2012
805 bytes
Link
Thumb

Statistics

Comments: 23
Favourites: 34 [who?]

Views: 384 (0 today)
[x]
Take all of your silky words
And tie them to a rock
Throw them in the ocean and
Watch all of them drop
Will they sink to the bottom?
Or will they float up top?
How deep does your meaning go,
or is it just a flop?
Your de•lect•able honey-spice
Sure did cook up nice,
but upon the swallowing
I learned I ought to, think twice.
Think Twice.

Don't take my silence for, grant-ed.
With eyes to the skies
And head Under water
You're a flickering light
and under you falter
You can't take the heat
Under salt water...

you bet your teeth
I'm counting
you better believe
I added it up.
:iconlantern-rose:
Old Problems.
Wretched Equations.

:icondonotuseplz::iconmyartplz:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconintricately-ordinary:
This is definitely one, if not my favorite piece I have read by you. It is simply astounding and worth many reads.

Your imagery is fantastic. "silky words" "delectable honey-spice" are the two I loved the most. I also love how clearly you can explain the message in this without ever explicitly telling us your intentions.
"How deep does your meaning go,/ or is it just a flop?" Your thoughts are so wonderfully articulated. It seems someone's once sweet words no longer have a hold on you. Will they float? (do they deserve to sink?) You are learning that maybe they aren't what they once meant to you.

The whole piece easily rolls off the tongue. You have employed a well-developed rhyme scheme, meter, and similar vowel sounds to connect all your phrases. It sounds amazing to the ear.

I think my favorite thing about your writing is your metaphors. I have told you this before, when I have mentioned how I loved your unique way of thinking. You have an entirely new way of seeing the world and showing it to us. You first tell us how their words are meaningless and perhaps buoyant, then move on to how they are easy to swallow down (although that is not beneficial.) Then you move on to how they are out of touch, head under water- and they can't take the heat they give off. You finish in a way that takes my breath away. It ties in perfectly to the title and completes the full circle of your poem- because it is no longer a matter of sweet words, it is a matter of measurements and weighing what those thoughts truly mean.

Beautiful, beautiful work :heart:
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

love 1 1 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconupwen:
~upwen Apr 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
pretty good, I like the flow. I'm not easily impressed, but I like this.
Reply
:iconlantern-rose:
*lantern-rose Apr 5, 2013  Professional Writer
Thank you very much! :love:
Reply
:iconfeatherback:
~featherback Sep 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This has to be one of my favorite pieces by you. It's just... I don't even know what to say. Something about it captivates me <3
Reply
Hidden by Owner
Hidden by Owner
Hidden by Owner
:iconsilver-ships-fly:
~silver-ships-fly Sep 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
wonderful poem :heart:
Reply
Hidden by Owner
:iconintricately-ordinary:
~intricately-ordinary Aug 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you're so beautiful! those first 4 lines roped me in. Excuse me while I read it about 5 more times...
Reply
Hidden by Owner
Add a Comment: